Future Music Therapist

I am on my way! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I start classes next month. After three and a half years out of school and feeling totally and completely lost, I feel like I’m back on track.

I haven’t yet met with my advisor to go over my transcripts. That’ll happen at the orientation in January, but about a year’s worth of my credits from Penn State should transfer. The music therapy program at Howard is a standard 4 years, so I’m probably looking at 3 years, or 6 Fall/Spring semesters. That’s hefty, but there’s really no way around it if I want to be a music therapist. The good thing is, once I have my undergraduate degree in music therapy, I will qualify to take the exam to get my certification. Then I will be a certified music therapist, and should be able to find employment.

After I finish this program, I definitely plan to get my master’s, although that won’t come until a few years after I get my certification. Colorado State University has a really nice online master’s program in music therapy, so that is where I plan to further my education in this field when the time comes. The program is designed for certified, working music therapists, so the fact that it’s online is awesome:)

But that’s a ways down the road. First, I have to complete this undergraduate program. I am excited, but nervous. It’s a big change, and a big commitment, but I know that something has to drastically change in my life for it to improve. There was just a little bit of commitment phobia when I got the admissions package last week. I never had any doubt about wanting to go at all. It’s just that all of a sudden the time is upon me, after all these months of preparing for my audition, and getting my application in order. I’m about to be really, really busy. But after living the opposite these past 3 years, I wouldn’t want it any other way:) I’m really excited, I can’t wait to start!

Oh, Mylanta, This Might Actually Happen

Had my audition this past Friday. I was so nervous the night before, I woke up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I just laid on the couch the rest of the night/early morning, watching the news. I was a little under the weather from a cold I was getting over, and was really worried that I wouldn’t be able to sing. I knew how important this audition was, and didn’t want anything to jeopardize it.

Ken came with me for moral support, which was a HUGE help. The audition was in a small office type music room, with a piano. I auditioned in front of the chairperson of classical voice at the university, and afterwards she informed me that she would be forwarding my audition form to the next level of consideration. The next day, I received a letter from the school, informing me that I’d passed my audition to be accepted into the Department of Music at Howard University! 

I haven’t actually been accepted into the school yet. I’m still waiting to hear from admissions. But getting into the program/department was what I was really worried about. I’m extremely relieved to be over this hurdle, but still cautiously optimistic. It’s not a sure thing that I’ll get into the university, although I am hopeful. It’s just so weird, I’m so close now! This could actually happen. It looks like music therapy may very likely be my career in a few years. Surreal.

I know myself, and I know I’ll be going crazy until I find out for sure. Until then, I wait.

One More Hurdle

My application for the music therapy program at Howard University is complete. I’ve submitted the online application, sent out my college transcripts, gotten my letters of recommendation in order, and written a personal statement. All that remains is THE AUDITION.

I am no stranger to auditions. Being involved in the performing arts all my life, I’ve been through countless ones, so I’m hoping my experiences will work in my favorJ. At the same time, auditions are intimidating, so I’ll be happy when it’s over. I was told to prepare 3 songs of contrasting styles. They told me that appropriate genres include classical, folk, and musical theater. And one song needs to be in a foreign language. So here is my chosen repertoire:

Classical Ballad

            -Panis Angelicus (transposed to a lower key because I can’t break glass with my voice)

Folk Ballad

            -Shenandoah

Musical Theater Up-Tempo

            -I Enjoy Being A Girl (from the Flower Drum Song)

My voice teacher is helping me prepare for the audition with these songs. I’m happy with the selection, I think it’s a good variety of genres as well as tempos. There will be a pianist at the audition, so I don’t need to worry about accompanying myself just yet. This is an undergraduate program, so I’ll learn both piano and guitar during the program.

My audition day is Friday, October 14^th!!! Between now and then I’m just practicing my songs. It’s nice to know the rest of my application is already done. But I’ll be so happy after the 14^th. Then I get to play the Waiting Game until the end of November, when I should find out if I’m in or not. My concern is that I may get into the school, but not for music therapy. With programs like this, it’s almost like two different things. And it’s possible to get into the school you want, but not for the program you want. All I can do is my best, and wait for the results!

Nervous, but hopefulJ

Music Therapy, Where Have You Been All My Life?

Even though I’ve known what field I wanted to be in my entire life, I didn’t really know the best way of going about pursuing music.

Until now.

The field of music therapy has unexpectedly come waltzing into my life. I had heard of it before, but kind of brushed it aside, never really giving it serious consideration. But the more I think about it now, the more fitting it seems to be for me. I realize I would not feel like a sell-out at all, and that’s the truth. Feeling like I’m settling is my biggest concern with any future career.

I completely and whole-heartedly believe in the power of music to heal. Not just because of the scientific evidence behind it, but because of my own personal experiences with music in my life.  Music has always been my reason for everything, it’s what I’ve always turned to. Music has been my lifelong cheerleader and inspiration They say smell is the strongest sense linked to memory. But music is a close second, and since I actually don’t have the sense of smell….music is the strongest sense linked to my memory. The physiological and emotional reactions it has the power to cause never cease to amaze me; the goosebumps, the chills, the sense of being transported to another time, another place. I could go on forever. Which is how I know this is the career I was born for.

AND I’M FINALLY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Ok, I’ve been here before. Getting all motivated and excited about taking steps for my future, and then after months, even years of preparation, being dashed back to square one. Several times. Getting the courage to go through this again has been really hard for me, and it has taken me a long time. But I’m finally ready. Nothing in life worth having is easy. So I actually had my first voice lesson last night with a vocal coach I found in Silver Spring. I’ll be taking 45 minutes lessons once a week. So excited. And my voice teacher seems to think I have potentialJ She said I have a “very good ear and nice tone.” I mean, obviously she’s not gonna say nasty stuff to me, but it still makes me happy. She also gives me “homework” related to reading music, which is really good for me. It’ll hold me accountable to really work at this each week.

I am also registered for a fall music class at the local community college. It’s an introductory music theory, musicianship, and keyboard skills course. With a lab. This course doesn’t mess around. The one hour, 50 minute lecture is twice a week, followed by an hour and 20 minute lab. I’ve never taken a class like this. I’m finally getting the formal vocal training and music theory education I so desperately need.

It’s looking hopeful again. And though I’ve been fooled before, I have to have faith that this is the real deal.

Tunnel Vision

I don’t have much to post this time. Just something I’ve been thinking about: Tunnel Vision. I need to have tunnel vision right now. I keep perseverating on and getting distracted by what others are doing with their lives, and it’s not helping me at all. I need to focus on ME, and what I need to do to achieve MY GOALS. And I can’t do this if I’m focusing on other people and other things, anything but what I need to be focusing on.

I guess after almost 3 discouraging years of rejection and searching, I often don’t want to focus on my life anymore, because it just makes me depressed. But it’s also the only way I have any hope of moving forward. For me, the really frustrating thing is that I KNOW I have a lot to offer.

I just need someone/something to give me a freakin’ chance.

Music Therapy, Anyone?

Contrary to what those of you who read this blog may think, I have actually not dropped off the face of the earth. Up to this point I’ve been updating once a week-ish. My best explanation as to why I’ve hesitated this time is because at the end of my last entry I wrote that I wanted to have something real to report in my next entry. Well, unfortunately nothing has really evolved since I last wrote. In truth, this is part of why Key of G exists. To hold me accountable, and put things in perspective. It has been over a month, and I haven’t really done anything to further my musical ambition. Nothing tangible, anyway.

Two things I need to get around to ASAP:

1.     I have yet to find a vocal coach. It’s so important to me to find the right one, but I need to just find one soon. This needs to happen before any musical career of mine can.

2.     I realize that I should also really learn how to play the guitar. I have my dad’s old guitar from the 70’s, but I need to fix the strings on it first.

In the meantime, besides going through the motions of the daily grind, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about My Future Career. I know I want it to involve music, at the very least. In my personal Utopia I’d be performing for a living, but as I’ve mentioned before, that is definitely risky business. It might never take off, and then where’s my career? Now, I’m not saying the solution is to not try at all, but I think it would be worthwhile and wise to invest some time pursuing some kind of degree that would insure a career involving music. Then I could still work on a business of my own, and go out for various auditions (I’m certainly not new to this), but if nothing ever comes of it, instead of having no profession, I’d at least have a music-related one.

Where am I going with this?

Music Therapy.

It’s a potential career that has recently peaked my interest. My research of this field is still in its early stages, but I can’t ignore how appropriate it seems for me. For those who may not be familiar with the field of music therapy, a brief description. I have put the following in quotes because they are not my words. They’re the words of Jodi Picoult, one of my favorite authors, as she describes the field in relation to her latest book, Sing You Home.

"Music Therapy is using music in a clinical setting in order to bring about a change in emotional, social, physical, or communicative health. It is like physical or occupational therapy – except music is the tool used to achieve the goal.

 Every time you sing along to a happy song on a sunny day in the car, you’re using music therapy. After a breakup if you listen to the same sad song over and over, you’re using music therapy. During childbirth if you use music as a focal point – that’s music therapy.

Music can lower blood pressure and reduce stress hormones and heart rate. Music has been proven to release the same chemicals in your brain that are released if have sex or use illegal drugs – namely, dopamine. Music shuts down the activity in the amygdala, the area of the brain and limbic system where negative emotions and anxiety reside.

Cochlear implant patients who don’t understand language use music to learn the patterns of speech – because music is easier to perceive than speech. Stroke patients who cannot speak sentences can sometimes access language through singing, since lyrics and music are stored in both sides of the brain. Listening to music helps the brain bypass the trauma or the part that isn’t working, and finds new connections between both sides of the brain – the left-side analytical part and the right-side emotional part.

So how IS music therapy done? Sometimes it means playing an instrument and singing to soothe a patient who is in hospice. Sometimes it means creating music with a client, to help them express their feelings. Sometimes it’s a way to connect with a client – like a kid with autism who won’t speak, but will complete a musical phrase.”

I don’t usually advertise this about myself, but at the beginning of my life there was about a 90% chance that I would not be able to walk, because of my pathologically low muscle tone. The first time it looked promising at all was when I was about 5 or 6 months old and I was apparently tapping my foot to the beat and rhythm of “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star.” Somewhat unusual musical awareness for an infant, and thus began the next 5 years of physical therapy, incorporating music to improve my cognitive responses…and the rest is history. I like to think music is largely responsible for my ability to walk today.

So becoming a music therapist seems insanely appropriate given my history. However, although it’s a musical field, when I think about actually performing for a living, musical therapy kind of pales in comparison. It’s like being in the Ice Capades when what you really dream about is winning a gold medal in the Olympics. Sure, music therapy sounds like a fulfilling career, certainly much better than my current job, but I can’t help wondering if I’d be settling. It seems like a great avenue to explore, but I don’t want to sell out.

Anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I just being ridiculous? Jeez, I hope I don’t sound too whiny here. Like I said in my first entry, any and all comments, thoughts, criticisms, etc are more than welcome. I need all the insight I can get right now. Until next time, loyal readers:)

Artistic Stimulation

Two and half years ago, I graduated from Penn State and have been trying to make myself fit into the corporate world since. I realize now that this was a mistake, and a waste of precious time. Instead of training to hone and improve on my singing, I obsessed over the idea of grad school, believing that was my only way to a successful career. It is true that one can’t do much with a B.S in psychology. At least a Masters or Ph.D is necessary. But I don’t want to pursue psychology. I don’t want to pursue a field just for security. That’s not a good enough reason for me to invest years of my life, not to mention tons of money in pursuit of something.

At the same time, making singing into a career is risky, and I want a career so badly. I want to have kids someday, and I don’t want to be a stay at home mom my whole life. (By the way, there’s nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, it’s just not for me). I’ve always dreamed of a successful, fulfilling career, just like I’ve always dreamed of having kids. And there’s only one thing I’ve ever been able to really see myself doing, and that’s singing. That has never changed or not been the case, not for a single day of my life. I can’t ignore it any more, and I regret feeling like I needed to.

Whew, I didn’t know I could be so longwinded! In any case, the “artistic stimulation” mentioned in the title of this post has come in the form of ballet classes:) I took ballet briefly when I was in middle school, like, over ten years ago. I learned that dancing is not my forte. I’ve always felt fairly awkward in my body, and my muscle tone has always been poor. But I do miss ballet, and I think it would be really good for me to get back into it and really throw myself into the arts. Not to mention I love participating in musical theater, and most musicals involve a good amount of dancing, so having some training in this area can only benefit me. I am now enrolled in a five week intro to ballet class, and ridiculously excited about it:)

This ballet class has also inspired me to take the next step in my hopeful singing career: voice lessons! I am now looking for a really good vocal coach, hopefully in the DC area. I’d like to audition for a vocal coach, and hopefully be accepted as their student. I feel like I’d get serious, hardcore training from a voice teacher that requires an audition because they would only accept me as their student if they saw (or rather heard) real potential in me. And this isn’t a hobby to me. I want to be trained so I can perform professionally. If anyone reading this blog knows of any good vocal coaches in the DC area, let me know! I can’t wait to move forward with this, I’ve put it off long enough.

I think that’s it for now. Hopefully in my next post, I’ll report on actually doing something, instead of talking about how I want to maybe do it soon. It’s time I make something happen for myself. 

How I Got Here

Alright, I have two blog followers! Doesn’t matter that the two followers are my husband and mother-in-law, it’s enough incentive for me to write another entry:) 

I thought I’d throw a little background in here, talk about some of my past endeavors and experiences with performances and auditions. We can call it: Performances and Bloopers-The Highlights. I’ve always loved performing in front of people, and have been doing it at every opportunity my whole life. Statistically, there are bound to be some notable moments.

First for some rather embarrassing confessions. In elementary school, I used to sing “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid at the top of my lungs on the school bus. I certainly had the attention of every kid on that bus. Positive or negative attention, it didn’t really matter to me at the time. I had no shame. Most youth strive to blend in. I went out of my way to get noticed, to stand out, any way I could. I wasn’t a very popular child…

I also used to sing on command. Yes, you read that correctly. Every now and then when my mom and I were out running errands together, she’d ask me to sing something. Not randomly, but if the subject came up or whatever. The embarrassing thing is, I would. I actually would. If it meant bursting out in showtunes in aisle 3 of the grocery store, I’d do it fearlessly. Maybe this is me being in denial of there having been something very wrong with me as a child, but I like to think I just loved singing so much that I didn’t really care about conforming to society. Yep. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

I never got around to taking voice lessons, but I was in chorus throughout all of middle school and high school. I was also involved in the school plays almost every year. Play rehearsal was the highlight of each school day. Then it was my senior year and time for me to decide on a college and major. Most people go to college to figure out what they want to do, and find themselves. But I came out of the womb knowing what I wanted to do with my life. However, it became clear to me that wanting and being able to were two painfully different things. I guess my timing was poor. As a kid I sang whenever and wherever, regardless of what other people thought about it. As a college freshman I listened to what society seemed to think about majoring in drama, or music. That it wasn’t practical. That the arts are supposed to be hobbies, not actual careers. So I majored in Psychology in order to have job security and a fulfilling career when I graduated. But that never happened. Ironically, I had majored in a field that I wasn’t passionate about in order to gain something I never gained. I am now 24 years old in no better shape than I was before. So I wish I had at least majored in what I really wanted to in the first place.

But all that is ancient history! I have since refocused my energies in my singing and performing experience. I admit it would be so much easier if what I wanted to do with my life was something I could just get a degree in and I’d be set. But performance art doesn’t work like that. There are no guarantees. It’s risky, and frustrating, and we all need money to survive. I’m extremely fortunate to have my husband, my support system, both emotionally and financially. But I don’t want to be dependent my whole life. I want to make a name for myself. I just want it to be in music, singing in particular. So you’re probably wondering what I’ve recently done to make this happen. Sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself certainly won’t get me anywhere. I’ve made a resume of my performance experience. In the past year I’ve auditioned for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines, and this past November I was in NYC auditioning for America’s Got Talent. Yes, I’ve become one of THOSE people. But auditioning is auditioning, and I’d rather fail than live my life never knowing what I might have been capable of.

I don’t care about being famous. Or rich. My professional goal in life is to make a living doing what I love: singing. To sing professionally is my dream job. I would love to start my own wedding singing business. I’ve already sung at two weddings:) It’s a start. And I'm going to see where it ends.

A Brief Introduction

Blogs have been around for how long now, and I'm just now getting one:) I have to say, it's a little daunting, putting yourself out there on the internet, but here I am. I wanted to write about something personal and important to me, something that hopefully others can relate to.

It's been said that "you are what you do." However, I think a more accurate statement is "you do what you are." We all have unique identities; various beliefs, values, interests, etc. that make up who we are. For many people at least, our identity is already present. Then we get a career, and hope it's representative of ourselves.

But sometimes what we do is not who we are. And this has been my personal struggle in life, one I'm sure I am not alone in. So this is the place where I'll discuss my love of music and singing, my desire to perform professionally, and what I've done thus far in the name of that desire. This blog was created in part to hold me accountable for my actions, or lack thereof. As I'm sure many of you are aware, pursuing any kind of art as a career can be extremely frustrating and discouraging. I'm hoping Key of G will help keep me motivated, "keep the dream alive," so to speak. Any and all comments, criticisms, stories, etc are more than welcome here! I hope you all follow my blog. I'll try and keep things interesting:)